by Mell P
In the poignant documentary A Mother Apart, poet and activist Staceyann Chin embarks on a deeply personal journey to trace the elusive footsteps of her mother, Hazel. The trail spans continents, leading Staceyann from Brooklyn to Montreal, Canada, and finally to Cologne, Germany. Through her search, she doesn’t just uncover the secrets and pain of her fractured family history—she discovers a sense of home she’s been longing for all her life.
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Staceyann’s childhood was marked by instability and trauma. Raised by her maternal grandmother until age nine, she was left behind when Hazel departed for Canada, leaving Staceyann to endure molestation by a family member and assault in a college bathroom. For years, her mother’s absence loomed large, a void filled with unanswered questions and lingering pain. Hazel, shrouded in secrecy, moved to Montreal, where she had a third child with a man Stacy Ann never knew and later to Cologne, Germany. Staceyann followed, desperate for connection but often finding herself abandoned again when Hazel disappeared for long stretches of time.
Known for her unapologetic voice, Staceyann broke free from the silence that had bound her as a child. Her campaign for freedom began when she moved to New York, a decision she said that was intentional after her assault. It was where she embraced her identity and channeled her experiences into poetry. In the film, she reflects on her move to America, boldly declaring she came “to pursue lesbianism.” Her candid poetry bears testament to her refusal to live quietly, choosing instead to live authentically and out loud.
Motherhood, for Staceyann, was also an act of intentionality and healing. Unlike the unreliable bonds of her own upbringing, she planned for Zuri, her daughter, and has remained unwavering in her devotion to her. This love inspired The Living Room Project, a community initiative where Staceyann’s nurturing spirit extended to others, offering a safe and affirming space.
The film doesn’t shy away from the complexities of Staceyann’s relationship with Hazel. Despite Hazel’s repeated disappearances, Staceyann maintained contact, calling herself a “people keeper.” Her persistence in finding Hazel seems puzzling until Staceyann explains, “I don’t come for her. It’s a kindness I can offer her, a kindness I can offer myself.” This simple yet profound statement encapsulates the grace Staceyann extends, not only to her mother but also to herself.
As Hazel begins to open up, finding solace in Staceyann’s acceptance, the connection between them feels almost volcanic—a raw, eruptive force of reconciliation. Through her journey, Staceyann learns to practice compassion for the mother who once left her behind.
“The more you understand about the process of mothering, the more grace you can extend,” Staceyann reflects. Her words resonate as an ode to Hazel, to herself as a mother, and to all mothers navigating their own struggles. “My mother is good practice in remaining open even when it’s hard.”
In A Mother Apart, Staceyann Chin reminds us that healing is not linear, and grace is as much a gift to oneself as it is to others. Through poetry, motherhood, and an unyielding spirit, she transforms her fractured past into a narrative of resilience and hope. This documentary is a testament to the power of staying open, even when it hurts.
The film is directed by Laurie Townshend, and produced by Ngardy Conteh George and Allison Duke (OYA Media Group). Catch it online through Sunday, December 01, 2024.
Check out the trailer below.
